my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
