i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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