we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
