Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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