People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
