I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
