she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
