we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
