you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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