My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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