You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
