i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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