I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
