Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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