ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
