apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
