Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
