I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Less talking, more tequila
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
