the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
