i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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