i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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