you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
