im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Randomize