I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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