im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
