When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
