I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
