he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
