Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
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