its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
