This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
