Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
