Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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