I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize