life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
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