her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
