There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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