At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
