I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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