Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
