Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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