omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
