it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
