Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
