My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
