hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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