What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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