i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
