Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
