I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You made out with two different species that night
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
