You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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