God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
