We won't sleep together?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
