hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize