Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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