This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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