Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
