Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
