We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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