College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize