that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
