M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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