remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
